Bridget Jones' Big Brother Diary
by Butch Cassidy
Summary: A Bridget Jones, Big Brother UK crossover. Please R
1. Default Chapter

Bridget Jones/Big Brother cross over.  
  
  
  
Disclaimer * I do not own "Bridget Jones" or any of the characters from the previous books. I only hold the rights to any characters that have not yet entered Bridget's warped little world. Please don't sue me Helen Fielding!*  
  
  
  
Friday January 4th  
  
  
  
9st, 4 (calm down, calm down) Alcohol units, 6 Cigarrettes, 12 (g) Memories of second trip to Thailand - With Mark Darcy - 1346 (approx.) Callories, 1243  
  
  
  
9am Just woken up and have had brainwave. Am poor and looking for easy answer to dept problems. Now, have finally found one.....GAMESHOWS! Realise that gameshows are more that one answer as many to choose from but is still answer. It's a good idea, not sure which one to choose though.  
  
  
  
9.15am GRRRRR. Out of milk.  
  
  
  
9.16am And coffee.  
  
  
  
9.17am Or anything else for dinner party tonight. Yet another chance to waste money on ingredients for crap meal. Maybe Mark Darcy will help. Will just pop round the corner to get ingredients.  
  
  
  
9.45am After making shopping list for 3 course meal from 'Return of the naked Chef' (missleading titleas was dissapointed when unwrapped it to discover Jamie Oliver fully clothed. Shazzer laughed at me. How was I to know, I dont watch much TV.) when realised SPAR isn't the best place to shop for gormet food. Will pop out to Sainsbury's. Need to get:  
  
  
  
Slow cooked Stuffed BabyBell *HUH?* Chillie peppers.  
  
  
  
1kg ?BabyBell Chillie peppers?  
  
Bottle of extra virgin olive oil  
  
Parsley*how Much?*  
  
Rocket*Ditto*  
  
1 tin of capers  
  
?!!ANCHOVIES!!?  
  
Bottle of balsalmic vinegar  
  
  
  
Salmon fillets wrapped in Proscuitto with herby lentils.  
  
  
  
235g lentils  
  
5x 225g slamon fillets, skinned and ?pinboned?  
  
10 slices of ?proscuitto? oh, the ham thing!  
  
1 lemon  
  
Mixed herbs  
  
3 large handfuls of spinach *ugh*  
  
2300ml yogurt  
  
  
  
Two nuts Chocolate ?torte? *is that a cake?*  
  
150g Almonds  
  
150g Walnuts *YUK!*  
  
300g cooking chocolate *Is that expensive?*  
  
100g caster sugar  
  
!6! free range eggs  
  
50g SALT!?!?!?!?!  
  
  
  
Shouldn't take too long.  
  
  
  
2.35pm Just got back from Sainsbury's and am ready to avoid cullinary disasters. Have phone by side so will not be alled away during cooking process.  
  
  
  
5.pm GAAAAAAAH!"BabyBell Chillies" look like dead mice. Are perfectly stuffed and smell great but are all shrivelled and manky. Oh well! Everything else is great. Salmon is cooking well, not sure about spinach though.  
  
  
  
7.pm They should be here by now! Shazzer's never late when alcohol is involved, Vile Richard (no longer vile by nature, only name) is on a conference so Jude has no distraction, Tom is no longer seeing the Customs boy or Pretentious Jerome and Mark doesn't have a meeting. Where can they be? Maybe rebbecca invited them to 192 or Café Rouge and they - YEY! Doorbell just rang.  
  
  
  
7.02pm Turned out to be aan Australian friend of Dan downstairs who got pissed and forgot which number Dan lived at. GRRRRR.  
  
  
  
7.05pm Tom, Jude and Shazzer are here! They were helping the economy drive by sharing a taxi. Mark just rang, can't be here until 20 past. Hmmmmmm, woner why.....  
  
  
  
7.20pm Shazzer thinks Mark is having another fling with Rebbecca. Doubt it!  
  
  
  
7.33pm STILL NOT HERE! Where is he? WHERE WHERE WHERE? Where? He's having an affair, I know it! Shazzer had a great idea though. Apply for Who wants to be a Millionare! Phoning up tommorrow.  
  
  
  
7.40pm Mark phoned. Can't come as is stuck in "meeting" which he said he didn't have. More like he's "stuck" in Rebbecca. Anyway, he is going to come round tommorrow. 


	2. Saturday 5th January, day 2

Saturday 5th January  
  
  
  
9st (v.g) Alcohol units, Oh, thousands! cigarrettes, ditto Calories, 892 (is this good for you?) No times phoned who wants to be a millionare hotline, 13.  
  
  
  
9.am "Please say your name clearly and answer the following questions."  
  
'Bridget Jones.'  
  
"How many American Presidents have been called George?  
  
'Seven!'  
  
"Incorrect!"  
  
  
  
I hung up. They didn't even tell you the correct answer! Stupid pile of Crap!  
  
  
  
REDIAL  
  
  
  
"Who played Jane Avril in the film MOULIN ROUGE?"  
  
  
  
There was noone in Moulin Rouge called Jane Avril, saw it!  
  
  
  
'Ummmmm...Kylie Minogue?'  
  
"Incorrect!"  
  
  
  
Oh Damn it! they meant the old one! it's Zsa Zsa Bloody Gabor! GRRRRRR!  
  
  
  
REDIAL  
  
  
  
"Who plays Butch in the film PULP FICTION?"  
  
  
  
I know this one! YEY!YEY!WOOOOOHOOO!  
  
'John Travol - I mean Bruce Willis! Bruce Willis!'  
  
"Incorrect!  
  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! GRRRRRRRRRRRR! DAMN IT!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRR!  
  
  
  
11am Telephone call from mark. Am going to a restaurant near his place. Wery swanky Italian restaurant called Nonna'd. Sounds V. posh am getting ready to go to the gym right now.  
  
  
  
11.15am Am ready to go to the gym. Bring it on!  
  
  
  
11.30am Just arrived at the gym. Am going to get treadmilll as is easiest way to exercise. Can go slowly and pretend I am just building myself up for a speedy run. V. good idea if I may say so myself.  
  
  
  
1pm Am dieing! Just got back from bloody gym! Am never ever going there again. EVER!  
  
  
  
1.15pm Just gave Jude a call asking about likelyhood of getting on Millionare.  
  
"How many times have you rung?"  
  
Ummmm..." Must find a reasonable lie. "four."  
  
"Brilliant! don't do it too many times because they recognise it. Keep trying! Oh, I'm moving into Richard's house. We've been living at my flat when he has a four story house!"  
  
"Mark's house has six stories!" I told her. " And you're starting to sound like a smug married."  
  
  
  
1.15pm  
  
"Please say your name clearly and answer the following quest-"  
  
'Bridget Jones!'  
  
"Who plays Mr. Darcy in the BBC production of PRIDE AND PREJUDICE?"  
  
I know this! 'Colin Firth!' I've met him.  
  
"Correct!"  
  
  
  
THANK GOD!  
  
  
  
"How many Brittish queens have been called Elizabeth?"  
  
'Two.'  
  
"Correct!"  
  
  
  
Go Bridget, Go Bridget!  
  
  
  
"Who wrote the ledgendary book the lost Dialogue?"  
  
  
  
I knowe this one, I studied his at UNI!  
  
  
  
'Plato!'  
  
  
  
"Correct!"  
  
  
  
I'm good!!  
  
  
  
"Which group of Revolutionaries' slogan was Liberte Egalite et Fraternite?"  
  
'The....Bohemians?'  
  
  
  
"Incorrect, sorry!"  
  
DAMN IT!!!!! AHHHHHH! I'm going to smash that bloody phone!  
  
  
  
8pm Have borrowed great dress from Jude. Looks v. expensive. The hem is on a diagonal (what's that called?) and it has spaggetti straps. I think nylon corset is in order. 


End file.
